There will always be things in life that are hard to understand why they happen. We may never know “why” nor may it even be possible to ever fathom. Nevertheless, it is possible to know the Final Cause of all things, whose nature is perfection and its sovereignty; infinite space. The greatest error in thinking is to use what happens in our humanity with all its pains and pleasures, as a means to measure the sovereignty and trustworthiness of love. It is not people and things we should trust as we will always be let down, but rather the essential love within all things which by default includes all.
This is why we must seek the cause of all things first and foremost so that we can live as a human being with all its uncertainties, limitations, pains and lightning fast changes; while rooted in the ether of things where doubt cannot penetrate. Until then, we will always seek reassurance and put our trust in a perceived authority whether spiritual or otherwise, while constantly looking for validation from them; trusting them and then not trusting them because they too have imperfect human qualities and the mind naturally sifts for doubts.
Friends, the only difference between the self-realized and un-realized is that the former realizes they can unequivocally trust the sovereignty of love that clears all doubts forever; and cannot be moved by one’s own thoughts, circumstances, body sensations, judgments, or the acts of others. You have already felt it now trust it in spite of mind/body conditions. You must make this choice to trust.